*Mark 4:35-41*
Last summer Miranda and I went to the Montgolfiere festival in St. Jean, it’s a big hot air ballon festival, where they have lots of music and rides. We had plans to meet up with friends in the evening, but during the day we took some time to explore the festival. I used to love going on rides at fairs and parks, until I turned 25. I don’t know why but when I turned 25 I developed a real fear of heights and could no longer bring myself to do anything that was going to take my feet off the ground. Miranda though absolutely loves rides that fling you through the air. At the festival, she wanted to go on some and as I was the only one with her in the day, I bucked up and did them. Honestly, I was fighting some anxiety in the air, but it wasn’t so bad. We did the swing one, the air ship one, and we also did one called A Thousand and One Nights, which is basically a row of seats attached to a long arm that swings you up and around in circles, every now and then tipping your seat forward in mid-air. For someone who gets sick just thinking about heights, I thought I did pretty good.
And then nighttime came. Our friends arrived, and they wanted to do some more rides. I knew I had nothing left in me, so I let them go about it. But when they eventually made their way back to A Thousand and One Nights, they were really begging me to go with them, and I thought, well, how bad can it be, I already did it once today, a second time can’t hurt. As we got on, I noticed there were quite a few intoxicated youth joining us this time around, and they were egging on the guy who was working the ride to really give us a ‘good’ time. This should have been my invitation to step off and walk away, but I sat down and let the bars clicked over my shoulders, and whoosh, we were off, and give us a ‘good’ ride that guy did. We went back and forth, and did so much dipping forward and backward while in mid-air in with dark skies all around. People were shouting and screaming with excitement, but I entered a deep state of panic.
All I could think about was how stupid this was, that all it would take is for one thing to go wrong, a bolt to fall out or our braces holding us in to become loose, and then we’d fall to our deaths all for the sake of what… wanting some kind of thrill! I didn’t want to die there, on that ride, in that moment. Having a real panic or anxiety attack is absolutely terrible, it seizes everything inside of you and there was nothing I could do to stop it or the ride. And the worker only kept hearing the laughter and cheers from the others, and hearing them, he decided to give us some extra time on it. It felt like this ride really would go on for a thousand and one nights, and as I tried to just focus on my breathing, a thought suddenly popped into my head: God. God, I had in my panic and fear and anxiety forgot about God, that God exists, (that’s right the minister forgot about God) forgot that God has plans for me in life past that moment, and that even if I did end up dying there that would be okay, because life is eternal, and love awaits me. With this thought my whole body relaxed, my mind calmed down, and I felt peace. And I kid you not, not even 10 seconds afterwards the ride came to end.
Real panic and fear, they set in when our brains acutely realize that we’re at the mercy of something or someone else. Think of a moment where you’ve really panicked, maybe seeing a flight attendant become nervous on a plane, or hearing rumours of cutbacks at work, seeing the lack of employees in a nursing home that a relative is in. There are many moments in life where we all of sudden realize, I’m not in control, I can’t do anything to stop this or change it, I am completely vulnerable to what is happening around me. It is a very unsettling feeling that takes over your brain and body.
The disciples in our gospel reading this morning were experiencing a moment just like this. The twelve of them had spent a lovely day on shore where Jesus was teaching crowds with parables. And then nighttime came, and he wanted to cross the sea to go teach others about God’s good news, so they loaded up the boats and set out. And then a terrible storm came. Now we know that four of these disciples were fishermen who used to fish on this very sea, they’ve encountered storms before, so when the other disciples saw these four begin to panic, I bet they started thinking they might actually die. As the waves crashed against the boat and it filled with water, they realized they were completely susceptible to what was happening around them, that they were at the mercy of the fishermen’s knowledge, at the mercy of the boat’s capabilities, and at the mercy of the weather. There was nothing they could do to stop it and they panicked. As the terror took over their brains and bodies, they realized their vulnerability to all the things around them, except for one thing, they forgot about God. And when Jesus walks out there and commands that storm to stop, he reminds them about the very thing he has spent so much time teaching them: that everything in this world, them, the boat, even the storm, all of creation itself ultimately lives and exists at the mercy of God.
The disciples were just beginning their ministry with Jesus, he had performed healings and exorcisms, and had taught them secret knowledge about the kingdom of God. Yet when this first bump in the journey came, in fear they panicked and forgot that of course this wasn’t their end, Jesus had told them much more was still yet to come, they had things to do and whole lives to live, and if their faith was rooted deeply in the mercy of God and God’s promises of tomorrow, then they wouldn’t ever be afraid. Jesus knew this wasn’t his end, so he slept. (Job and Jonah also sleep during a storm, it is a sign of trust in God)
In our time and place, the good news of Jesus Christ also makes promises to us too. It promises us that if we love God and love our neighbour then we can experience joy and hope, peace and eternal life even within brutal and chaotic environments; it assures us that this ministry we carry and share with others is not going to end even when the forces of this world beat against it making it seem like all is nearly lost; it vows that if we open our eyes to the spirit living inside of us that even in the hostile seas of our lives miracles can happen. We are promised all of this, a new way of being and in turn we’re asked to have faith in it, a faith that grows the peace of God inside ourselves that is steady on the bright sunny days and steady on the raging stormy nights; a faith that remembers that everything rests at the mercy of our creator. So on this Sunday, may our fears be calmed in the knowledge that we are held in the mercy of a God who will not let us perish, but instead will hold us tight with love throughout our entire lives, throughout our deaths, and throughout our lives after death. Amen.
-Cynthia Reynolds
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